So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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