I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
