Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
