Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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