what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
