My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
