YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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