I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
