Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
