She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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