Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
