i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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