I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
