You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
