Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize