the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
