i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
