In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
