dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
