dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
