Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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