I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
