best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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