I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was born a porn star she said
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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