People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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