Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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