His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
