do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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