I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
