Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm like, not good at living.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
