the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
