thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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