i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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