I'm eating all of the evidence.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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