I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just googled if crying burns calories
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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