He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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