Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
