Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
