based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
