How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
