You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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