Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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