sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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