Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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