My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
