I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
