he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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