dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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