Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
