i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
