we're blogging at a bar
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
