I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
