I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize