i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
