Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
