dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
