i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
