remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
