it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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