...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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