i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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