We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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