I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
