i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
