Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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