So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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