i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
