hotel room ftw
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
