moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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