Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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