All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
