i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
