She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
